Bashert: Love, Destiny, and the Light That Guides Us
When we talk about love, romance, and marriage in Judaism, one word always seems to find its way into the conversation— bashert. It’s a Yiddish word often translated as fated, inevitable, or preordained, and it’s most commonly used to describe a soulmate. But at its core, bashert simply means destiny.
The idea of bashert is about much more than just being in the right place at the right time. It’s the belief that certain things—especially love—are meant to be. That each of us has a path, and when we follow it, we not only fulfill our own purpose, but we also help shape the destiny of the world.
Where Does This Idea Come From?
The origins of bashert stretch deep into Jewish tradition. According to the Talmud, 40 days before a child is conceived, a divine voice proclaims who their match will be—literally a match made in heaven. In Kabbalah, the concept goes even further, teaching that souls begin as one and are split apart before birth, destined to find each other again in this world.
But—and this is important—just because something is meant to be doesn’t mean it will be effortless. Love is sacred, but it’s also real life. Even when we find our bashert, relationships take commitment, patience, and a willingness to grow together. Destiny may bring two people together, but it’s what they do with that connection that truly matters.
How Do We Find Our Bashert?
In centuries past, Jewish communities relied on shadchanim (matchmakers) to arrange marriages. The role of a shadchan was to help individuals find a partner who would not only be a good match personally but also spiritually and communally. Today, matchmaking is still common in Orthodox communities, but most of us rely on a more modern approach—meeting through friends, social events, or even online platforms like JDate.
But what if bashert isn’t just about romance?
Love Takes Many Forms
Not everyone’s path leads to a single, preordained soulmate, but that doesn’t mean we are without love in our lives. Deep, soulful relationships can take many forms—lifelong friendships, family bonds, mentorships, or even the kindness of someone who unexpectedly changes your life. Love isn’t always about romance. It’s about connection, understanding, and the moments of meaning we create with one another.
A beautiful teaching says:
"From every human being, there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single, brighter light goes forth from their united being."
Whether you have found your bashert, are still searching, or are embracing the many forms of love that enrich your life, know that your light is already shining. And when the time is right, the people meant to be in your life will always find their way to it.